Lunar Adventures: exploring a little bit of everything
Blog post [Displaying post and comments]
Friends of LunarAdventures:
- MediaWhiz
- Houston marketing agency is Texas wide
- payday loans cash advance needs
Assembly instructions will one day lead to my insanity
I bought a new desk. Like most cheap desks, this desk came in a flat box and it is expected that the consumer follow directions and assemble the desk. This is usually no problem, as I am adept at deciphering the cryptic and contradictory writings commonly referred to as “instructions.”
The assembly of my Zline Designs Monterey Desk (I would here link to their web page, but they apparently have none, and request inqueries be sent to zlineparts@aol.com.) was going smoothly, despite some inconsistent directions and liberties taken with standard English syntax.
For example, page 3 states: “Insert Dowels AT LEAST Three Quarters of the way tapping Lightly with a rubber mallet IF NECESSARY.“
Now, that statement is missing a comma and has some serious capitalization issues, but isn’t unworkable. The problem is that the diagram shows someone hitting the dowel so that it’s halfway down, not three quarters. The next mention of dowels is on page 9:
“Dowels must be inserted HALFWAY only. Tap them in with a rubber mallet IF NECESSARY.”
I decided the best solution was to just stick the dowels in haphazardly and move on with life. This worked well, and the dowels ended up not being a problem. What has driven me to insanity is the drawer.
The drawer came pre-assembled, for the most part, and at the 90% finished mark, I was to slide it into the drawer rails. No problem. I lined them up, and slid it in — the left desk rail clicked the drawer rail into place nice and smoothly. But I misguised the right rail in, and so it wasn’t in the desk rail. No problem — I’ll just pull the drawer out and try again.
Not so fast. When it clicked into place, it meant business and wasn’t letting go. I struggled with it for a while, and couldn’t get the drawer out. So I decided to look at the instructions — but now I only had one hand to work with. One hand was busy holding up the unattached side of the drawer. I briefly let go to see if the left rail alone would hold the drawer in place, which it would not — I heard the tearing of cheap particle board as the screw attaching the drawer rail to the actual drawer tore up the “wood.”
I was able to reach the instructions with my one hand and re-read the directions: “Slide Keyboard Tray into Desk as shown. Please refer to Page 5 Drawer Installation reference for more information.” Why they would place drawer installation notes on page 5 when you install the drawer on page 16 is beyond me, but whatever. Page 5 offered helpful advice:
“In the event that it is necessary to remove the keyboard from the frame, please follow these instructions:
Press the black nylon clip on the glide of the Left Side Keyboard Panel #12 upward, while pressing the nylon clip on the Right Side Keyboard Panel #12 down. Then remove the whole drawer outward with minimum effort.”
There’s even a helpful diagram. Unfortunately, the diagram shows these black nylon clips that look nothing like the black nylon thingamabobs on my desk. Not only that, on the left rail, I can’t even get to my black nylon thingamabob — the drawer makes it unreachable. I studied the black thingamabob on the right rail, and pressing it up, down, left, right, in, whatever didn’t make it budge one bit. Not that it really mattered, since the right rail wasn’t holding on to anything. I pulled on the drawer, tilted it up, tilted it down, begged it, bribed it, did anything I could think of — those two rails were interlocked and there was no convincing them to let go.
Meanwhile, my left hand is quickly growing tired of holding up this stupid drawer, and I had dropped it a couple of times — and it was caught by the screw that tore up the particleboard even more. By this point I’m seething mad and thinking exclusively in cuss words. With my one available hand I’m able to collect some leftover packaging to make a support for the drawer so that I can at least walk away and go to the Zline Designs company website to read their Monterey Desk FAQ.
Haha! Just kidding! As noted above, they have no website. All they have is an email address, at aol.com. It’s like it’s 1994 all over again.
If it weren’t for this snafu, the desk seems pretty cool. It’s sturdy, the edges mostly fit together pretty OK (nothing is fully flush, but what cheapo desk does have fully flush edges?), and it looks neat.
I’m probably not going to be able to sleep tonight, instead mulling over the mysterious black thingamabob (not a clip) and wondering what secrets it holds — and how to convince it to let go of my drawer.
Thu June 23rd, 2005 1:40 am
Filed under Life
28 comments
Leave a comment
To be honest, I couldn’t get through the whole post as putting together desks is such a beating that reading about how to put it together and your problems makes my head spin like no other.
I wish you luck, but the best idea is to ask the place if you can buy the sample!
Your comment made me remember — the sample didn’t have the drawer installed! I guess the Staples Official Desk Assembly Technicians had the same problem I did. I woke up early this morning and was able to finally find the clip the instructions talk about (they didn’t mention that the clip was inaccessible to sight and hand when the drawer was in place — I had to stick a screwdriver down the rail shaft to press on it) and got the drawer on. Once I got it on, though, it moves very stiffly and not at all like a nice, sleek drawer should. Now it’s no surprise why the sample didn’t have a drawer. I figured someone just took it or broke it.
Wow.
And you wanted me to trust you to put my bookcase together?
The desk is assembled, isn’t it??
And the drawer?
Not as bad, I WD-40ed its ass. Still a little finicky, but functional!
I forget things like WD-40 exist. I can be so feminine sometimes.
No household is complete without a can of WD-40 and a roll of duct tape! You can fix a lot of things with just those items.
“If you can’t fix it with WD-40 and some duct tape, it ain’t worth fixin’!”
Yeah, sometimes I even forget duct tape.
I have a tendency to make things more difficult than they really are.
Andy, what’s the deal with you and desks. This is the second desk that has had some real issues being assembled. Does your new desk from a “websiteless” company (seriously, is it even a real company now if it doesn’t have a website)in the same category as your last one : category “BIG ASS?” – Where everytime you move it from place to place, it requires disassembly, Rob, Andy, a midget, and a mule? Just wondering…
Rob I don’t know. This desk is much smaller. Just one piece. One chunk of desk — but it does have a glass top. So it’s heavy. That last desk was a beast, I’m not getting another like that until I can afford movers.
But, if I play the role of Andy, who plays the midget? And if you’re Rob, who’s the mule?
Doublecasting!
I need replacement parts for SP357-01D. Can you advise? Thank you!
I just did the same thing with my Monterey desk. I pulled the stuck drawer out and the ball bearings of the slider flew everywhere. And am looking online for tips to stick in the replacement drawer I got, lest I repeat the whole fiasco.
I bought the Staples protection program so at least they waited on me hand and foot to get me the replacement parts.
they have a website now, but the FAQ’s are not finished yet.
I recently purchased the onyx desk & bookcase combo, (which I love). Model #SP202DB QC# HF11. The problem I have is that I am misssing some parts. I am missing E-4 pcs F-4 pcs and g. Therefore I can’t put the keyboard tray on, which I really would like to use. can you please send me those parts. Thanks, Carla
How in gods name do you get replacement parts for the desk I purchased that contained damaged parts. You give me this e-mail address and I still have not gotten any further then I was before.
model # 12481 Damaged parts are 2,16,17,31
i need the instruction to a monroe and james harvard executive desk. the box didn’t have them in it.
HELP!!!!!!
JSA553 file cabinet assembly took so long i should have spent the extra $20 for an assembled model. adjustable metal rails hang from t-shaped plastic clips that sit on permanent plastic rails. Lifting up on rear of rail makes clip flip up and over the rear side of drawer, behind and under drawers. Drawers don’t come out, so entire cabinet must be emptied and moved to retreive part. two of them disappeared. No spares included. No answer by phone, no website = useless cabinet. Then lock failed, hammer and screwdriver fixed that, but YUCK!
I’m trying to obtain replacement parts. Does the service department ever call you back ?
I purchased a desk model #0072 sku#556945 it was missing piece Number 9 could you please send it to me. Ellen Hocter—4420 Pine Lane—Chambersburg, PA 17201 Staples told me to have you people send it. Thank you, please e-mail me and let me know what is happening. Don’t need this desk upside down because it it the bottom right that is missing.
I just rec’d my order- Mystic corner desk model # z419 and one piece is damaged item # 1 desktop. I would like to have a replacement 12/23/06 shipped via courier. I bought this item at Staples. I can be reach at 954-415-9521. My address is 5113 NW 42nd Terrace, Coconut Creek. Fl. 33073.
Thank You
Maybe I’m lucky.bought a Z-line desk at Staples– to be shipped. Was charged half the price it had been the previous week. Salesman explained that it was a closeout. Received box 2 of 2, no box 1. Staples said item was being closed out and no box 1 was avaailable. I told them to cancel my credit card charge and to pick up the desk. Weeks have gone by. I still hzve box 2of 2 despite many entreaties to take it away. The charge is still on my card.
I bought a z-line Gibson executive desk @ Staples and was shipped box 2 of 2. does anyone out there have box 1 of 2? Maybe we can make a deal.
I can’t believe some people are so stupid that they post here thinking this blog is somehow associated with Z-Line.
Thank you. I was thinking about purchasing a z-line. You all talked me out of it!
i bought the same desk… it really looks nice, but it was a pain to put it together with my ignorant dad… (i knew how to put together the drawer but my dad would not let me try it, eventually he broke down after an hour and i finnaly got a chance to put it together in one quick and fluid movement!) my dad was P***** off
Nicely completed mate. I recognize the majority of what was written appropriate here & this would certainly make myself wanna return to your weblog!
Dreary Day…
It was a dreary day here yesterday, so I just took to piddeling around online and found…