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The wet willy

Believe it or not, it has been commented to me before that this blog doesn’t cover enough “weighty” topics.  And because I listen to you, the reader, I’m going to start this week by talking about a subject that should be on the forefront of all great thinkers, leaders, and philosophers: the wet willy.

Last night while playing Halo at my buddy Jarrod’s house, things got silly as we grew tired and eyes began shutting down from lack of blinking.  Because he is a tool (though I say it with love), Jarrod, who has a nasty cold, decided to give me the grossest wet willy ever.

Just in case “wet willy” is an American-only term, it’s when someone wets their finger with spit and then sticks it into their buddy’s ear.  It is one of the creepiest feelings in the world — up there with getting felt up by a poltergeist (not that that’s ever happened to me). 

My dismay was clear, and I spent the rest of the evening with toilet paper shoved in my ear to obsorb the cooties.  But on the way home, I got to thinking: who thought of the wet willy?  Was he ever given an award?

I decided to put my English degree to use, and broke down the term, one word at a time.  The “wet” half was easy — you’re putting a wet finger into the ear.  Duh.

The “willy” half was a bit trickier.  But then it hit me — “willy” is slang for a penis.  At this point, I think we’re all thinking the same thing — maybe a finger in the ear isn’t the creepiest feeling on Earth, after all, when we consider the alternatives.

So now let’s assume that “willy” in this instance does in fact refer to a penis.  That means that sometime — and I’m thinking probably during the Renaissance — some dude got bored, realized his willy was wet, and put it in his friend’s ear.  It’s this kind of outside-the-box thinking that made the Renaissance the period of change and advancement that it was.  But, you know how it goes — for every hit, we have a few misses.

Later on, probably during the Industrial Revolution, people (women) decided that this was far too crude an activity, and it was adjusted to just be a wet finger in the ear.

Or so goes my theory.  Any thoughts on wedgies?

Sun September 3rd, 2006 10:07 am

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