Lunar Adventures: exploring a little bit of everything
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On underwear
There comes a point in every man’s life when he has to make an important decision: boxers, briefs, or, for the wishy-washy, boxer-briefs. Up to a certain age, you wear Superman print briefs. Then you transfer to tightie whities. Then comes the decision time, usually in middle school: do you stay with the tightie whities or move on to the strange new world of boxers?
Me, I chose boxers, for the most part. I’ll sometimes do boxer briefs, or even briefs, for athletic activity — but even then I often don’t bother and just hope for the best while playing basketball in boxers.
I’m happy with my choice. Which brings me to ladies.
Ladies have underwear choices too, but their choices are granny panties, thongs, and standard panties. At least, I think those are the choices; I’m no expert. And I’m at work right now so I’m not going to load Victoria’s Secret for reference purposes.
All of their choices are form fitting, though, which I’m cool with. But it’s bantied about as common knowledge that women will often wear a boyfriend’s boxers and tshirt to sleep in, because it’s more comfortable. So that brings me to my question: why don’t women wear boxers?
I realize that anatomically, men and women are different. I realize that one reason men wear boxers is medical — it’s better for the troops to have their barracks a bit away from the warm body. And I realize women can have chafing issues — or so commercials for personal daily lubricants have told me.
But I’m still not totally clear on why boxers aren’t a choice in women’s everyday underwear decision-making. Yes, their clothes are more form fitting, leaving more visible panty lines, or boxer lines. But women don’t always wear form fitting clothes. But they do remain committed to the panty.
Is there some medical reason here that I’m just not aware of, as an ignorant male? Is it a tradition thing? For my money, if women want to wear boxers, society shouldn’t tell them no.
Thu September 14th, 2006 3:30 pm
Filed under Life, Observations, Web
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Yep, everyone’s clamoring for the Sports Illustrated Boxers Issue.
I think that’s the rub; women simply have to be sexy when they’re young… not only for men, but for themselves, as what they’re wearing affects their state of mind, and subsequently their self-confidence.
Then, even when they lose their sexiness at age 37 (yep, 37), they simply continue the tradition they’ve become accustomed to. Then of course you get into the golden years, where you wear diapers… it probably just never occurs to them.
I’d say it’s perfectly reasonable for an “out-of-market” woman to wear boxers or boxer briefs. And handlebar mustaches. That would be a cool two-pack from Hanes… a pair of maroon silk boxers and a handlebar mustache. You listening out there, Michael Jordan?
Don’t give them any ideas, man!
My ex had a pair of boxers, but she just wore them to bed, and only occasionally at that.
Yep, everyone’s clamoring for the Sports Illustrated Boxers Issue.
Yeah, I think that neatly sums it up. Men’s underwear is all about function, and women’s underwear is about anything but.
Having a pair of pajama pants that are rather like boxers (although I can’t be certain–I’ve never worn men’s boxers), I can definitely say that without panties, they’re very uncomfortable. They ride up in all the wrong places. Then again, so do thongs.
Cotton low-rise “bikini”-style panties are very comfortable. They fit securely and don’t bind. I don’t even realize they’re on, except for the fact that they’re protecting me from the chafing of my other clothes.
[The entirety of the following is meant, in typical Mallory style (which you know well, by the time): tongue-in-cheek, with the comedy replacing the much more serious analysis I have decided not to tackle. Take it for what it's worth; I hope that's at least a laugh, and at most a good moment's thought.]
Here’s the deal: you don’t want yet another seam splitting you down there, for one thing. And most clothing–even boxers–is much less delicate on the nether regions than a 100% cotton panty.
But here’s where your obvious lack of femaleness shows, darling boy: women’s choices are FAR more complicated than you realize. What you refer to as “granny panties” are nowadays called “full coverage,” for one thing. It’s as unattractive as it sounds, to refer obliquely to the first commenter (whose comments I will stay away from because it’s too late/early for me to get riled up on the feminist bent).
The other options include–but are not limited to: bikini briefs, low-rise rise briefs, extra low-rise briefs, boy-shorts, thongs, G-strings, Y-strings, crotchless (yes, a novelty item, but an item/choice, nonetheless), escape-hatch of various varieties, and, of course, going bareback.
All of THESE options (except for bareback) also must be cross-referenced with the fabric types: 100% cotton, a cotton/nylon blend, cotton/polyester blend, satin, silk, satin blends, leather, flannel, and any number of beaded, sequined, or feathered apparel. (To refer back to a few people’s comments: 100% cotton or 100% silk are really the only kinds that definitely won’t give you some kind of infection; they are the only truly natural fibers, so they breathe. Breathing is as important to a vagina as it is to your lungs.)
All of THESE options must then be re-cross-referenced with any number of other issues: elastic waist, seamless, extra coverage, butt lift, tummy tuck, extra padding in the crotch, bows on the sides or front…
And don’t forget all the coloring and pattern options. Or the fact that some underwear is meant to be worn with certain corsets, negligees, thigh-highs, or other sex-oriented apparel.
And some women also go to the day-to-day trouble of matching their panties to their bras, which adds another layer of complexity to the equation.
So when it comes to the question, “Why don’t women wear boxers?” the answer is both incredibly culturally difficult (as CWW perhaps unintentionally alluded to) and mind-blowingly simple.
Simple, you say? After all that? Yes. The simple answer?
There are too many choices already.
OK, that just blew my mind. I’m trying to process it all. In fact, since I’m replying two weeks later, I think it’s safe to say I’ve been trying to process that for the past two weeks. But my mind is still blown. Let’s just say I’m glad my options are boxers or briefs. (Or thong, for those crazy Friday nights — but we need not talk about them.)
@Mallory: Your comment is right on, and said much more eloquently than I (or most people) possibly could have. My only response could be, “Yes, what Mallory said. x100.”
Mallory’s feminism can get bent. Granny panties is a parallel to tighty whities as humorous slang goes.