Here’s the deal: you don’t want yet another seam splitting you down there, for one thing. And most clothing–even boxers–is much less delicate on the nether regions than a 100% cotton panty.

But here’s where your obvious lack of femaleness shows, darling boy: women’s choices are FAR more complicated than you realize. What you refer to as “granny panties” are nowadays called “full coverage,” for one thing. It’s as unattractive as it sounds, to refer obliquely to the first commenter (whose comments I will stay away from because it’s too late/early for me to get riled up on the feminist bent).

The other options include–but are not limited to: bikini briefs, low-rise rise briefs, extra low-rise briefs, boy-shorts, thongs, G-strings, Y-strings, crotchless (yes, a novelty item, but an item/choice, nonetheless), escape-hatch of various varieties, and, of course, going bareback.

All of THESE options (except for bareback) also must be cross-referenced with the fabric types: 100% cotton, a cotton/nylon blend, cotton/polyester blend, satin, silk, satin blends, leather, flannel, and any number of beaded, sequined, or feathered apparel. (To refer back to a few people’s comments: 100% cotton or 100% silk are really the only kinds that definitely won’t give you some kind of infection; they are the only truly natural fibers, so they breathe. Breathing is as important to a vagina as it is to your lungs.)

All of THESE options must then be re-cross-referenced with any number of other issues: elastic waist, seamless, extra coverage, butt lift, tummy tuck, extra padding in the crotch, bows on the sides or front…

And don’t forget all the coloring and pattern options. Or the fact that some underwear is meant to be worn with certain corsets, negligees, thigh-highs, or other sex-oriented apparel.

And some women also go to the day-to-day trouble of matching their panties to their bras, which adds another layer of complexity to the equation.

So when it comes to the question, “Why don’t women wear boxers?” the answer is both incredibly culturally difficult (as CWW perhaps unintentionally alluded to) and mind-blowingly simple.

Simple, you say? After all that? Yes. The simple answer?

There are too many choices already.

Cotton low-rise “bikini”-style panties are very comfortable. They fit securely and don’t bind. I don’t even realize they’re on, except for the fact that they’re protecting me from the chafing of my other clothes.

Yep, everyone’s clamoring for the Sports Illustrated Boxers Issue.

Yeah, I think that neatly sums it up. Men’s underwear is all about function, and women’s underwear is about anything but.

I think that’s the rub; women simply have to be sexy when they’re young… not only for men, but for themselves, as what they’re wearing affects their state of mind, and subsequently their self-confidence.

Then, even when they lose their sexiness at age 37 (yep, 37), they simply continue the tradition they’ve become accustomed to. Then of course you get into the golden years, where you wear diapers… it probably just never occurs to them.

I’d say it’s perfectly reasonable for an “out-of-market” woman to wear boxers or boxer briefs. And handlebar mustaches. That would be a cool two-pack from Hanes… a pair of maroon silk boxers and a handlebar mustache. You listening out there, Michael Jordan?