Lunar Adventures: exploring a little bit of everything

Blog post [Displaying post and comments]

A note to Christmas light manufacturers

I didn’t want it to come to this.  I wanted everyone to look themselves in the mirror and make good decisions on their own.  But the time for that has passed — so I plead instead to the manufacturers.

I plead to the manufacturers of Christmas lights to remove the option for blinking or chasing lights.

This is America, and people should have choices.  But as was pointed out in Spider-man, with great power comes great responsibility.  And Americans have abused the power of having the option to have blinking or chasing Christmas lights.

I love a well-decorated house at Christmas.  I love the neighborhoods that get together and do something pretty.  It makes the season feel just that much more special — until someone thinks to themselves, “Hey, let’s mix it up a bit this year.  Let’s make our lights BLINK!”

And that is when things go terribly awry in the tacky direction.  Christmas should be a time of attractive, pretty decorations — not a time to decorate in a way that would make a Las Vegas casino owner think twice.

There’s a house down the block that is in desperate need of Christmas styling consulting.  Now, I give them credit for trying.  But not too much credit.  They have a fence in the front yard, and the fence is covered in lights.  Done right, it can look all candy-cane-like.  Awesome.  But not this house.  This house just has these strings of lights haphazardly put up — and to make matters worse, one section is blinking, one section is steady light, and one section is chasing.  It’s upsetting.  I think we have a neighborhood watch — we should report this as a crime.

This holiday season, I encourage everyone to go out and do something in the spirit of the holidays that makes you feel good about yourself and makes others feel good too.  This does not include implementing blinking Christmas lights outside your home.

Light manufacturers, help us all out here.  It’s time to retire the option for the blinking lights.

Mon November 27th, 2006 11:01 pm

Filed under Life, Observations

8 comments

  1. Zach said:
    November 28th, 2006 3:45 pm

    Dear Andy,

    I’ve missed you.

    Your Stalker,

    Zach

  2. Andrew Kaufmann said:
    November 28th, 2006 3:51 pm

    I missed you too Zach. I missed you too.

  3. CWW said:
    November 28th, 2006 5:41 pm

    Whatever. As far as I’m concerned, all you folks with your fancy “electric” lights can go suck an egg.

    When I was a kid, we used to all get together with our families and squash lightning bugs’ asses with our fingers so the phosphers would make your fingers glow. Then you’d sever all your fingers and tie them on a line of string. There’s your goddamned christmas lights.

  4. Andrew Kaufmann said:
    November 28th, 2006 6:19 pm

    CWW: As long as they don’t blink, that’s fine by me.

  5. Mallory said:
    December 7th, 2006 1:51 am

    Seriously, though, I can’t wait to look at xmas lights next week. What neighborhoods do you recommend for awesome lights?

  6. Rob said:
    December 7th, 2006 11:57 am

    Dude, bah-hum-freaking-bug. You’re too young to sound like such a codger. Let them have their holiday cheer!

    P.S. Your stalker Zach and I are going to string blinking lights all around your house. We’ve got it all worked out.

  7. Ebola said:
    December 11th, 2006 7:02 pm

    CHOO CHOO..

         . . . . o o o o o
             _____      o       _______
    ____====  ]OO|_n_n__][.     |lamer|
   [________]_|__|________)
  8. M Miller said:
    December 11th, 2006 8:20 pm

    Does anyone know how to fix lights so they won’t blink. Every time mine turn on they blink until I reset each strand. Bummer

Leave a comment