At any rate, I’ve decided to bring back Q&AK (Q&A, but my initials are AK, clever, eh? Don’t answer that.) one more time, on my latest web home. Of course, for this to be a fun bit, you, the valued and extremely attractive reader have to help. Ask me questions. Anything at all. I won’t promise I’ll answer all of the questions, but I’ll answers ones I feel like answering. So fire away either via email or in the comments section of this or any future Q&AK post.

I asked for some questions in a post a couple of weeks ago, and got a couple of nice responses. So, without further ado, here’s the first topic brought up by Quinn, who I have known personally for something like 20 years. That’s longer than some of you have probably been alive, and it makes me feel old.

“Would you rather: (1) punch Shaq in the nose w/ no ramifications; or (2) have a quiet, intimate dinner w/ Mike Mills?”

Today, this question is a no-brainer. I’d go with the nice dinner with Mike Mills, bassist, keyboardist, and backup vocalist of my favorite band, R.E.M. I’d probably even try to schmooze him into giving me some bass pointers. Or maybe he can teach me how to sing without making people leave the room — that’d be a nice skill to have.

As far as Shaq, to be completely honest, I’ve grown kind of fond of the big oaf as he’s aged. Now that he’s left the Lakers and doesn’t torment my beloved Mavericks very often, I’ve been able to see his good side. He’s a pretty funny interview, really does have good hands for a big man (I can appreciate this more having watched Shawn Bradley and Erick Dampier wander the paint over the past few years), and doesn’t take himself as seriously as other NBA superstars. He’s even interested in law enforcement as a second career — I respect that.

Not only that, what would violence solve? I doubt Shaq would even notice if I punched him in the face. He’d probably thank me for clearing his sinuses.

Well, I take that back. I don’t really want to punch Shaq in the nose, but if you changed the question to ask about Kobe Bryant or Karl Malone (the dirtiest player in NBA history, for my mone), I’d have to really stop and think. I was really pissed off when I woke up this morning and read about Kobe scoring 81 points last night. Kobe’s a big baby that’s completely full of himself and is interested only in his own personal success rather than team success — and it just puts me in a bad mood to read about hi success and people bowing at his feet. I cling to the hope that he’ll never win an NBA championship without Shaq at his side — I bet that eats him up when people bring it up. I take solace in the Lakers’ poor record this year, even though Kobe is scoring a ton of points. But it definitely becomes easier to score a ton of points when you take all of your team’s shots.

Even though I hate to admit it, 81 points is impressive, if for no other reason than the physical conditioning it must take. And I’m sure Toronto’s defense was focusing on him — making it that much harder to get the ball into position to score. Toronto’s defense isn’t anything to write home about, but they’re still an NBA team playing defense.

That having been said, I wouldn’t consider putting a single dollar on the Lakers beating anyone, let alone going anywhere in the playoffs. He’s just too much of a ball hog. Steve Kerr and John Paxson took big shots on Jordan’s teams, and Scottie Pippen was a great sidekick. I don’t think Kobe wants a sidekick, and I doubt he’d let anyone else have the big shot. He wants it all for himself. And let him have it — he can enjoy his early off-season all he wants. I hope.